Thoughts To The Future
by Egglette
Summary: Raven's thoughts on her life and her friends before The End. Takes place after Birthmark and somewhat inbetween Prophecy. No pairings.


**POV: Raven's.**

**Summary: Raven's thoughts on her life and her friends before The End. Takes place after Birthmark and somewhat inbetween Prophecy. **

**No pairings, just my non-shipper influenced ideas on how Raven sees her teammates. It was not easy to write, believe me, about Raven's view on Robin and sort, being an avid BBxRae shipper. But don't be discouraged, RobxRae fans, I think I did ok with it. **

**I hope you like it, this is one piece of work I actually do. Not exactly the way I wrote it, but the ideas and basic thoughts Raven has. **

**Read & Enjoy!**

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I have to say Raven, when I found out the truth I was very impressed. All this time I had no idea the power lurking inside you. The glorious destiny that awaits. It's always the quiet ones, isn't it?

I don't want to be this…you cannot begin to understand how much I don't.

I would give anything to make this go away; this guilt that I feel.

All my life, I was told it was never my fault. But why do I still feel this way?

I could never stand the sight of fire; just the mere thought of it brought the worst kind of visions or glimpses of the future: your own.

I know how they look at me, even when they say nothing; I see it in their eyes. Being empathic, they always let off more then they think if I'm around.

Cyborg thinks of me as the little sister he always wished he had; he is forever tedious, but forever protective. But he's scared of me, I know he is. He senses something different, something singular about me. He doesn't even begin to grasp the truth, but should this keep happening, I know he will be among the first to figure it out.

Down to earth and realistic, I know I could probably tell him the true power inside of me and he would understand. He'd probably even try to convince me that we could stop it, even when he would know inside that it is impossible. He _can't_ be stopped; he is immortal and all powerful. Beings are all powerful are true to their namesake, and are not to be defeated by mere mortals. Who are we, as creation of science or forces above us (depending on how you view life), to tell our place against something with knowledge we cannot even begin to decipher?

Starfire doesn't understand me. I don't blame her; because I don't either. At times, I'm her friend. We've been the mall together before, we almost had fun. But there have been times when I'd like to swipe off her head with the chant of a mantra and swish of the hand. But then I remember; I remember I don't do fun. I _can't_ do fun.

I think she comprehends me the least though at the same time the most. The most for obvious reasons: she and I are the only girls on the team, and thus know what its like to be somewhat more…emotional at times. I may be half demon, but I'm also half human.

She touches the surface of why I act the way I do without really understanding it, but her naivety to Earth's culture makes it hard for her. If she knows something she knows should not be spoken from mortal mouths, she has the common sense to use that.

Robin is perhaps closest to me, also in a brotherly way. Sometimes I think I have feelings for him, but I also don't want to move in on, as Cyborg would say, Starfire's territory. I think these feelings come from a different depth of emotional personification, an impulsive attraction I get because he sees me a little more for what I wish to be, instead of what I am. I am told there are many types of love.

There is the romantic love, the brotherly love, and the friendship love. There are many more I haven't even touched upon, but thinking it about it anymore would give me a headache. And giving it too much thought is pointless; for I know I cannot show emotion, less I want ultimate destruction to come sooner then prophesized.

I don't even want to talk about Beast Boy, but I know I don't give him enough credit as I should. He is both ignorant and arrogant, with a dose of immaturity, which is the worst kind of person to have to live with. He gets on my last nerve, but I know, somewhere inside me, it isn't intentional. I've had my moments with Beast Boy, where I see that façade thinning. He doesn't know it, but I sense something had happened to him as a child to make him who he is today.

We are completely polar opposite, to say the least, but we both have similarities.

Not that I will ever let this leave the depths of my mind.

We both have been betrayed and used through feelings thought to be love, of Terra and Malchior, and both are either without our parents or in fear of it. We both have issues with our anger, should either of us slip could sentence death. I've seen his mind before, as I healed myself after 'The Beast' incident, and I do not think he understands how layered his thoughts are. Perhaps that is part of the reason he acts the way he does; because he does not understand himself.

_But honestly, did you think you could just blow out the candles and wish it all away? Today is the day it begins._

They would all be supportive, in secret fear, of who I am and what I will become, I know this.

But that is a risk I cannot take telling, I know I am already the most disliked member of our team by fans, save for perhaps the "Goths" or "Emos". You know, the kids in black and dark makeup who always have something cynical to say about the world. A lot like me, I suppose, but even they have no idea who I am.

No one does.

During my hours of meditation, should I not be interrupted by various pranks, video game noises, or other reasons, I have always the time to think.

I have seen the world for what it is, and maybe I am doing it a favor. Corrupted and destroyed already, ending human life would just end their suffering…no. That is my father speaking, not me.

Never me.

I don't want this, I _don't_.

I often find myself questioning the reason why I am in this "business".

Suicide was always the easier way out, and I would never have to watch myself end the world. But I was told, and this is probably the truth, that I would watch. He would make me watch, make me watch forever.

He would make me watch as he sent for the other worlds, as he slowly picked off every mortal he came across. I would not just end the world, but the universe as well.

Perchance that is the motivation I have to do what I do.

In hopes that someone up there, anyone, will have pity on me.

And should I die in battle, I would die the closest thing to a hero's death and although it would be in vain, I could perhaps rest peacefully.

No one has the slightest idea to be aware that on the event of your birth, usually a joyous occasion that is celebrated, you will begin to die.

Partially the reason I am so cold to the world, not only because I need to block out emotions.

I have known since I was a child what I would become, which I know is something they should not have told me.

I am glad, however. Had they not told me, I wouldn't have the friends I do. And although the people I have saved before will die in a matter of weeks, they will not die in pain. They will die doing something hopefully peaceful, something that they can forever do in their minds.

And there is always the faintest, _slightest_ chance, that something should be stronger then him, something that can overcome him.

Of all the conversations with the monks, I remember one the most.

"_The one thing that is strong enough to defeat a father's rule is love of a family,"_

The monk had told her, smiling. Of course, that monk had been sentenced to his death with the rest of Azarath, but the words had already been engraved in my mind.

They are foolish to believe, I know this.

Which is why I must accept it, I also know.

But I will not stop searching, provided nothing should happen to my friends, the Titans, my family.

_You've known this all your life. It is going to happen. And no matter what you wish... no matter where you go... no matter how you squirm... there is nothing you can do to stop it._

But while the memory of the monk's smile and words are forever in my heart, another memory is also in place.

One that had made me smile as a child, but as a young adult, has made me frown and see the opposite what it was supposed to make me believe.

I remember sleepless nights filled of angst, where I would awake to find myself drenched in my own sweat and tears trickling down my face. I was not permitted to see my mother, so I sent for Azar.

For words of comfort, she had told me that light can never be truly destroyed, for it is always there.

But what she failed to realize, and this was her downfall, was that although light will always be there somehow, that is why shadows were created.

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**I don't know why I wrote this.**

**I was feeling insightful, I suppose. The End were powerful episodes, where we saw Raven as a scared person.**

**Raven is bipolar, some would say. She is moody, and although she doesn't act it on the surface, highly emotional. The more she locks up her emotions, the more emotional she gets. This is why it gets so hard to keep them in check. Though we really can't blame her for this, not at all.**

**This oneshot is fairly depressing, I wrote it a few nights ago. I like the last line, it really strikes me as something Raven would say before The End. **

**I know I kind of sway around a lot, from her view on the titans to the view on the world, to her view on The End before it happens, but I still rather like this.**

**Anyway, reviews and your thoughts on this would be appreciated, though not necessary. But as your cereal box will tell you, reviewing is good for the body and good for stroking the authors' ego!**


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